Like every American city these days, Denver is filled with
tragically insane homeless people. But what will happen when downtown
Denver becomes a terrifying Green Zone of a million cops surrounded by
a million hippie protesters? Will this make the starving, mentally ill,
drug addicted people living on the streets uncomfortable? Maybe! So they’re going to be rounded up and sent to the Denver Zoo.

Tight security around the Pepsi Center means some
homeless people will get booted out of their regular camps along the
South Platte River. Then, there’s the protests and parades.

“A person who typically sits under a tree in a park that is now
occupied by 1,000 protesters won’t have the peace and quiet they’re
desiring,” Parvensky said. “Particularly those with mental illness
can’t cope with crowds.”

In order to clear the streets of hobos provide a calm refuge
for the thousands of sick people living on the streets of a wealthy
American city, the homeless will be given tickets to the zoo so they
can be terrified of scary giant animals such as lions and gorillas and
elephants. This will also be fun for any families who go to the
convention and decide to take a day off to visit the zoo.